WWE ECW 134

December 30, 2008 – Manchester, New Hampshire

The show starts with the Dirt Sheet live. They prattle on about their new year’s resolutions until they get into a fight over which one of them will win the Royal Rumble. They roast some of the roster, but make some particularly cruel jokes about Hornswoggle. That brings out Hornswoggle & Finlay. The Irishmen get the worst of it until the Boogeyman makes the save. I hate my life. 

Matt Hardy def. Mark Henry
Insanity-inducing boredom was what was offered here. Henry controlled the entire match with his crappy offense, and Hardy got zero comebacks until way too late into things. And then the goddamn nightmare ended with a disqualification at 8:06 (shown) when Jack Swagger blatantly interfered. Just terrible. Henry is pissed, so he keeps beating on Hardy after the match, but he does nothing about Swagger (who is now being referred to as the number one contender despite them going out of their way to make sure the match wherein he beat Ricky Ortiz wasn’t called a contender match). ½*

Kizarny is a thing that’s going to be happening… but on Smackdown. He speaks in carny, but he speaks it so slowly I wonder what the point is. 

DJ Gabriel def. Paul Burchill
In an alternate universe, this was the beginning of NXT UK. The crowd gives this one a “boring” chant, but it’s no worse than the last match they sat through. It’s actually a bit better… but it’s not good so don’t like watch it or anything. Gabriel catches Burchill with a jackknife pin for the win at 6:03. ¾*

The Miz & John Morrison def. The Boogeyman & Finlay {No Disqualification Match}
This was fine, but I’m wondering if it was a mean trick to get me to think Boogeyman isn’t terrible by having me compare this match to the garbage that preceded it. Morrison rolled Finlay up for the win at 5:53. You know it wasn’t the worst match ever because it was about the same length as the last match but felt half as long. Boogeyman was a total non-factor in this, as was the no DQ stipulation. **

Look, I understand everyone wanting to take it easy at the end of the year, but when the writers are checked out and the wrestlers are checked out, it’s a rough road for the rest of us.