The Top 100 Tag Teams of All Time | 85: The Eliminators

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The number 97-ranked (by Cagematch) Eliminators come in at number 85 on this list. The number 98-ranked Hart Brothers don’t show up on my list because, shockingly, they only ever had three two-on-two tag team matches that were filmed for television (or VHS release) during their careers.

All three of those matches happened in a two-month span. I too am shocked that they never teamed for a 2-on-2 match during 1997. Here’s a look at those three matches.

John Kronus met Perry Saturn while they were both working at a nightclub, and the former asked the latter to help him get into wrestling. The two started teaming at the very beginning of Kronus’s career in the USWA and eventually made their way to ECW after a tour with WAR in Japan. 

The Eliminators were bad. Their appearance on this list is thanks to people who remember ECW being good when 95% of it was really bad. Oddly enough, even though the teams were very different, the Hart Brothers are also ranked on this list because of fond, nostalgic feelings rather than actual quality matches together. But there’s no point in watching these matches in the order in which they’re ranked by Cagematch because I know ahead of time they’re all going to be bad. On the bright side, they were all very easy to find on Peacock.

November 18, 1995 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Pitbull #1 & Pitbull #2 def. Perry Saturn & John Kronus
From November to Remember. Joey Styles hilariously calls the night’s main event one of Terry Funk’s last matches before retirement. Funk didn’t even really pretend to retire until four years later. And of course, he came out of retirement multiple times after that. The Eliminators are managed by pretty boy Jason, because ECW was nothing if not a total hodgepodge of things that didn’t make any congruent sense. Miraculously, this is the only match in this post in which one of the Eliminator’s opponents has since passed away. This match was not terrible. Well, it was terrible the few times that Jason interfered, as it looked like no one knew what they were doing each time he entered the ring. But besides that, it was a perfectly acceptable ten minutes of a bunch of chunky dudes hitting each other with big man offense. I totally didn’t hate it. The Pitbulls did look like they were going to kill Saturn and Kronus when they hit their double team moves off of the turnbuckle because they weren’t strong enough to hold them up, but no one got badly injured in the end. The Pitbulls hit Kronus with a Superbomb for the win at 11:01. **½ 

January 5, 1996 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

Rey Misterio Jr. & 911 def. Perry Saturn & John Kronus
From House Party. This was an impromptu opener that spun out of a segment wherein Taz and Bill Alfonso were harassing Joey Styles during his opening speech, and then the Eliminators siding with Taz. It started as a handicap match, but Misterio ran out to even the score. Jason has thankfully started wearing a leather jacket to be a little more in sync with his team. Misterio confounding the Eliminators for a minute was fun, but the rest ranged in quality from worthless to remarkably stupid. A lot of the match was Taz and Alfonso running and choking 911. The finish saw Misterio and Saturn getting up on each other’s shoulders, presumably for a chicken fight. But Saturn put up no resistance when Misterio jumped off of 911’s shoulders to hit a hurricanrana for the win at 7:31. Very nice of the Eliminators to stand totally still and allow Misterio to hit his finisher. Awful. ¾*

February 3, 1996 – Queens, New York 

John Kronus & Perry Saturn def. Cactus Jack & Mikey Whipwreck {ECW World Tag Team Championship Match}
From Big Apple Blizzard Blast. The Eliminators hadn’t exactly been on a winning streak going into this show, so it’s unclear why they were given this title shot. Oh, sorry, it’s ECW and nothing matters. Jack is wearing a WW F’n F shirt to piss off the fans. Of course, he did debut there two months after this. At this point, it’s already very plain to see that Saturn is taking wrestling much more seriously than Kronus. He’s super fit and Kronus is in worse shape even than he was a month earlier. They’ve also ditched Jason. The first two minutes of the match is all mugging and stalling. Once that ends, a neat story bubbles up that sees Whipwreck control the Eliminators with side headlocks, but Jack sacrifices his team’s advantage because he doesn’t like watching that kind of wrestling. He tells Whipwreck to leave so he can defend them by himself, just like he won them by himself. I can’t remember if that’s true. Whipwreck does not leave. Things pick up for a couple of minutes until the Eliminators hit Whipwreck with Total Elimination for the win at 12:10. Jack turns on Whipwreck after the match, despite seemingly having been in position to save him and the titles at any time. Maybe that was the whole gimmick, I don’t remember and I can’t be bothered to check. This was pretty bad save for the cute bit early on and one minute of action near the end. *¾ 

February 22, 1997 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

John Kronus & Perry Saturn def. Rob Van Dam & Sabu {ECW World Tag Team Championship Match}
From Crossing the Line Again. The Eliminators had held the titles for half a year before losing them to the Gangstas in a four way. They won the belts back in December. During that time without the titles, they wrestled to an infamous draw against RVD & Sabu, and then after winning the titles they defended them against the same team at the Night the Line was Crossed. Thankfully, I already covered those matches, saving me from watching it now. They’re not bad, just long for the sake of it. This is also kinda long. Kronus spent the year getting into better shape, which is nice, and Saturn shaved off his mullet, which is nice or awful depending on your tastes. I’ve seen this listed as a Tables & Ladders Match, but it’s just a regular ECW match wherein they happened to use ladders a lot. I was quite enjoying the opening minutes of the match, which saw Saturn own RVD on the mat. Then it turned into a weapon fest. Though not a bad one. In fact, I’m tempted to call this a prototype for the Hardy/Dudley/Edge & Christian matches of 1999-2000. The thing that’s missing from this match though was the sense that one of the teams might win at any point before the actual finish. That missing drama hurt this compared to the WWF matches that came after. But the action was consistent and intense, even if it didn’t always make sense and only Saturn really made any attempt at selling anything. The Eliminators hit RVD with two Total Eliminations for the win at 20:18. Everyone made nice after the match. I can confidently say this was the best of their three matches. ***¼  

April 13, 1997 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

John Kronus & Perry Saturn def. Buh Buh Ray Dudley & D-Von Dudley {ECW World Tag Team Championship Match}
From Barely Legal. The Dudleys had beaten the Eliminators for the titles in March, so this was the Eliminators winning the belts back so that another notable thing could go down on ECW’s first ever PPV. The show that the Dudleys won the titles on, Hostile City Showdown ‘97, is one that was much easier to watch before WWE bought ECW as it was readily available in tape trading circles. It is not currently up on Peacock (or the WWE Network as far as I can tell) and seems to have been scrubbed from all streaming sites. This was a complete squash, and it made the Eliminators look like absolute monsters. I don’t think the Dudleys got one move in after the first 30 seconds. Everything Saturn & Kronus did looked good, and if this was my first exposure to ECW I could be easily fooled into thinking they were the future of tag team wrestling at the time. They hit Buh Buh Ray with Total Elimination for the win at 6:11. **¾ 

After three runs with the title, Saturn got injured and Kronus lost the belts in a handicap match to the Dudleys again. Saturn was out for a long time, and when he returned he did not want to team up with the overweight and under-motivated Kronus again. Heyman gave him a release and he went to WCW. Kronus stuck around a bit longer, but left in ‘99 and retired in ‘02. Then he passed away in 2008. Saturn has had some troubles in recent years as well, but if I remember right he’s sober now and is doing as well as can be expected for a guy suffering from CTE. 

When I started this review, I wrote out a whole spiel about it being a testament to the hypnotic powers of Paul Heyman that the Eliminators made it on this list. I felt that they had no real talent as a team and no in-ring personality whatsoever. I made the case that they were no better than then Head Bangers, and that the Head Bangers were correctly evaluated by history and the Eliminators were not. But in 1997, Kronus got in shape and the team became much more interesting. I still don’t think they belong on this list, but I get the hype a bit more now.