NXT Spring Breakin’

May 3, 2022 – Orlando, Florida

The show starts with new tag champs Pretty Deadly introducing the show from poolside. I’m relieved, because I was dreading this show but I love these boys. This was a truly great intro, and frankly these guys are too good for NXT 2.0. 

Cameron Grimes def. Carmello Hayes and Solo Sikoa {NXT North American Championship Triple Threat Match}
Speaking of too good for 2.0, Hayes and Grimes are both too big for this show. That said, thank god they’re here because supposedly the rest of this show is not great. Why does Sikoa come out to generic techno music. The crowd chants for him at the top of the match, which is surprising to me. Did he get interesting between shows? He does adapt to the spotty nature of the match pretty well, so he’s at least got some of the Fatu family talent. He sells like a total dope though. But when he’s on offense, the match is at its most focused. The finish was very cool, as Sikoa countered Hayes’ facebuster to an attempted DVD, but Grimes hit them both with the Cave In for the win at 10:34 (shown of 14:08). I could have used a few more minutes of that kind of action, but as a TV opener this totally did its job. Now I want to see what Sikoa can do in a singles match. ***¾ 

Mandy Rose goes to a spa and gets in a tanning bed. Wendy Choo sneaks in and changes the settings so Mandy turns into a tomato. I like the rascal energy, but this is indeed (as some Twitter genius said) a horny Nickelodeon segment. Toxic Attraction bails Rose because they want to hang out outside. Then, Shotzi Blackheart, Akira Tozawa, the Usos teach us words from their respective AAPI cultures. Then, Roderick Strong struggles through being the new mouthpiece of Diamond Mine now that Malcolm Bivens is gone. He tries to motivate the Creeds, but they (and Ivy Nile) seem to be over him. If this ends with Strong getting his release, I’m for it. Then, Duke Hudson approaches Indi Hartwell, as if to commiserate that both of their romantic partners got fired, but Hudson tries to kiss Hartwell. She rejects it. Those last two bits were really weird given the releases this week.

Nathan Frazer def. Grayson Waller
I like when someone new debuts on a big show instead of against some jobber on a random episode of TV that no one will watch. What I don’t like is Mark Long, someone who I haven’t thought about since I was into Road Rules in middle school (in the ‘90s) gets face time during both guys’ entrances. Dude is 50 years old, so I guess WWE is trying to appeal to their core audience. It seems the real feud is between Waller and the Chase University cheer section. The match is exciting, with both guys busting out fancy new moves (in Frazer’s case, new to 2.0), but aside from Waller briefly mimicking Frazer’s trainer Seth Rollins, the match is rather thin on emotion. The finish also appeared to be botched, and if not then it was stupid in its conception. Frazer falls off the top rope while going for a Spanish Fly, and then Waller falls off as well, going for god knows what. So Frazer hits the Phoenix Splash for the win at 9:14 (shown of 12:45). Frazer celebrates with Andre Chase and Bodhi Hayward. ***¼ 

Fallon Henley is a horse girl. That’s a whole, scary vibe in my experience. She’s going to be in the Breakout Tournament. Then, Legado del Fantasma sits down with Tony D’Angelo, and his new tag team followers. Also AJ Galante. They talk about sharing business, but what business are we supposed to presume they’re in. Are they running numbers on the side of their wrestling career? This goes on for a while without anything really being said, and it ends with an uneasy truce. I’ve seen worse scenes in B movies, but better ones in Lucha Underground. Then, Pretty Deadly tell the Viking Raiders that they are excited to see the Creeds get crushed. Why are the Raiders doing Road Warriors impressions now?

Cora Jade & Nikkita Lyons def. Natalya & Lash Legend
Legend doesn’t get her own entrance music. You can’t say Natalya was phoning it in down in Orlando. She carried almost all of the match with classic heel tag team work and solid stuff on the mat. Lyons and Jade kept up alright, and Legend was kept on the apron for most of the match. And when Legend was in the match, she performed alright. Not well, but alright. Natalya booted Legend in the face by mistake. Then, Lyons hit a German suplex and her legdrop thing, and Jade hit a senton for the win at 10:03 (shown of 13:29). This was way better than I expected it to be. If you’d have told me ahead of time that this was going to get ten minutes of TV time and not be a total disaster, I’d have called you a dirty liar and wonder why you’d lie about something like this in the first place. ***

Tatum Paxley is a powerlifter. Wait, that reminds me, what happened to Dani Luna? Did she get hurt? Yes, she got hurt. That’s too bad. I guess since she’s not using the powerlifting gimmick they might as well let that be Paxley’s personality. Then, Toxic Attraction goes to the beach. Choo wants to do more pranks, but Roxanne Perez wants to be training for the Breakout Tournament. They steal Toxic Attraction’s shoes and car keys. Another horny Nickelodeon moment so that the old dudes who watch this show can see Toxic Attraction bounce on hot sand in their bikinis.

Brutus Creed & Julius Creed def. Erik & Ivar
Brutus is like a giant out of control baby, and it only half works. If anyone has a future, it’s Julius, but he too needs a lot of work. I don’t think this match could have been better than it was given how green the Creeds are. The Raiders did a slightly watered down version of their usual shtick, but it complemented the suplex-heavy offense of the Creeds very well. The finish sucked, but I get why they did it. Strong ran out and attacked Erik, leading directly to Julius hitting a sliding lariat for the win at 9:32 (shown of 13:00). The Creeds are pissed at Strong for helping, but Strong says a win is a win. ***¼ 

Santos Escobar attacks and kidnaps Galante in the parking lot. So much for that truce. Then, Alba Fyre (Kay Lee Ray’s new name) sets the parking lot on fire to hype her match next week. Earlier, Briggs Jensen learns that his hand will be healed after Von Wagner attacked him in two months. Also, we learn that he cranks it a lot. I hate this. Then, we learn that Toxic Attraction will face Perez & Choo next week. No idea if the title is on the line. 

Bron Breakker def. Joe Gacy {NXT Championship Match}
This stems from that Rick Steiner abduction angle. Harlan has been fired, so Gacy is alone. His entrance music is the most heelish thing about him. I only half follow what’s going on on the weekly show; did Steiner ever get rescued? Speaking of Steiners, I have to assume that Breakker is wearing a singlet covered in random numbers because this happened just a couple days after the anniversary of his uncle’s Steiner Math promo. After having his dad kidnapped and after being pushed off of a balcony, Breakker starts this match by putting on a collar and elbow. The gimmick is that Gacy is counting on Breakker losing his cool so he can take advantage, but that doesn’t make for an interesting match. That said, it wasn’t terrible. You’d think based on the feedback this got that it was a mess. It was just a very medium main event. Gacy was never a risk to win the title, so that’s bad, but they didn’t do much to pretend he had a chance here. Breakker more or less walked through him and hit a spear for the win at 8:38 (shown of 11:04). Two of Gacy’s hooded druids stand behind Breakker as the show fades out. **½ 

This, thanks in large part to the women’s tag match overperforming, was a perfectly solid two hours of wrestling TV. I’m frankly very surprised. I’m not compelled to start watching on a weekly basis again, but I’m very thankful that this wasn’t torture.