WWE ECW 99

April 29, 2008 – Atlantic City, New Jersey

Kofi Kingston def. Shelton Benjamin
This was a step behind the match these two had the week before, and the commentary on the match was worse. How could Mike Adamle call Kingston’s win an upset when he was 1-0 over Benjamin. This is going to be a rough commentary run. *¾ 

Mike Knox def. Tommy Dreamer
This was really just Knox boringly squashing Dreamer while taking a few shots at Delaney. I’d guess this was the official start of a push for Knox, but that’s never the case when Dreamer gets squashed so they probably ended up doing nothing with him. ½*

Matt Striker hosted an in-ring segment to introduce Mick Foley as a new commentator on Smackdown. I wonder if anything related to ECW was ever promoted on Raw or Smackdown. Probably not. This bit was boring as hell and then ended with Foley putting Mr. Socko in Striker’s mouth. Then Mike Adamle puts the sock in his mouth voluntarily. Jesus Christ. 

CM Punk def. Chuck Palumbo
It’s weird that Palumbo was ripping off Undertaker’s American Badass gimmick here considering that he was a way better candidate (looks wise) to nick the Razor Ramon shtick. This match was flat as hell, featuring nothing but Palumbo punching and kicking Punk until the referee disqualified him for not getting out of the corner. They fight after the match in an exchange that Palumbo wins (bizarre choice) but nobody cares because it’s Chuck Palumbo. ½*

They then announced that the marquee matches for ECW’s 100th episode next week is Delaney vs. Armando Estrada and a rematch between Knox and Dreamer. This is a wrestling company that continues to exist today and I just don’t understand it. 

Chavo Guerrero & Bam Neely def. Kane {Handicap Match}
Neely wrestled this thing in a dress shirt and slacks, so we know who to blame for all this Baron Corbin crap. There’s no commentary for this match for reasons that weren’t explained, but apparently all WWE shows that week had weird, cliffhanger-ish episodes to pop a better rating. The Raw cliffhanger was lame but inoffensive, whereas this one didn’t make a lick of sense and made the main event feel totally bush league. And look, it’s a handicap match with Guerrero, Neely, and Kane, so it’s not like it was ever going to be good, but what the actual fuck was going on in this company back then? People complain about the product now (with very good reason) but stuff like this shows that WWE has been rather incompetently produced for a long time. The continued success of this company in the face of things like this reminds me of how the Simpsons has been on the air for decades since the show stopped being enjoyable. The amount of mediocrity that we’re willing to swallow in order to, I dunno, distract ourselves from our inevitable demise, I guess, is really depressing. Also, this match sucked and Kane lost clean but it didn’t immediately lead to Guerrero getting another title shot. Not that I wanted Guerrero to get more title shots, I just wanted this show to make sense. Anyways, penis. ¼*