WWE ECW 86

January 29, 2008 – Reading, Pennsylvania

Kane def. Shelton Benjamin
Benjamin walked out on the match and lost by count out after eating a big boot. It’s too bad, because this was one of the better Kane matches I’d seen in some time. It also sucked because the story was that Benjamin was undefeated, but he’d beaten a bunch of jobbers and fluke won a battle royal, so this just made him look like a fraud. **

Victoria def. Kelly Kelly
I’ve certainly seen worse Kelly matches. Victoria won this thing in under three minutes with the Widow’s Peak, but Kelly didn’t look totally lost. After the match, Layla & Lena Yada joined with Victoria and laid a few more shots in at Kelly. This “all women are jealous of each other” angle was so played lame and backwards even at the time, but I can’t imagine WWE was giving it much thought. *½ 

The Miz & John Morrison def. Colin Delaney {Handicap Match}
Tazz interviewed the now mummy-wrapped Delaney before the match because this show loved beating the absolute shit out of dead horses. This is so boring. This match lasted twice as long as the usual Delaney squash, which only made it twice as dull. After the match, Tommy Dreamer runs out to back up Delaney and the crowd barely registers it. N/A

CM Punk def. Elijah Burke
This was the final singles match between these two. It was also the shortest televised match they’d ever have, yet somehow it felt just as long. Maybe it’s because Burke was often terrible. Punk didn’t seem all that motivated either. *¾ 

Kofi Kingston def. Rob Eckos
This was just a squash. Eleven years later I’m wondering if Eckos is ever going to debut on NXT. That’s all I really took away from this match. N/A

Chavo Guerrero capped off the show with a mariachi band celebration. Edge & Vicky Guerrero sent in a video message because Guerrero got hurt at the Royal Rumble. This went on forever until Punk revealed himself to be one of the mariachi’s and hit Guerrero with a guitar. The segment was boring, but it was a fascinating exercise in revealing how slight of hand works. Even though Punk was conspicuous as the only mariachi with his back to the hard camera, I didn’t notice him because of clever camera work and the way other people were placed in the ring. It reminded me of that video where people are passing a basketball and a [SPOILER ALERT] but you don’t notice it. Google it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyway, this episode was a big fat turd.