WWE ECW 34

January 30, 2007 – Houston, Texas

Vince McMahon shows up and greets Marcus Cor Von. Then throughout the show he has a cringey interaction with the Sandman, gets a big hug from Rebecca, dresses down Tommy Dreamer, says racist stuff to Sabu, and then he even gets kinda racially superior with the Irish Balls Mahoney. We get it dude, you’re a heel. This was all pretty gross.

Matt Striker def. CM Punk
So first Punk takes forever to beat Striker and needs the help of a boob distraction to do it. Then he takes forever to beat Elijah Burke and wins with a fluke roll up. Now he loses to Striker in a couple minutes because Striker awkwardly uses the ropes for leverage. This show is garbage. *

Hardcore Holly def. Rob Van Dam
This wasn’t as good as the back-slice match. A good chunk of it was quite dull, and then the finish was really poorly executed. At least RVD got to look strong before losing clean. **¾

Extreme Expose is next, and it’s actually kind of interesting in that Kelly Kelly has to look at the other two for cues as the what the next dance move will be. McMahon interrupts to crap on all the guys he saw in the back. He says everything about the original ECW sucks. Well, he’s like 80% right about that. Then he loses me when he says ECW should be about Burke. Burke says he’s going to take out the ECW originals. Sandman, Dreamer, Sabu, and Mahoney come out beat the crap out of Burke. That was surprisingly satisfying.

Bobby Lasley def. Test {ECW Championship Match}
Test lost three matches to Lashley in order to get this title shot. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense. Thankfully, most of this match happened during the commercial break. This was a nothing match to cap off a nothing program. *½

After the match, the Undertaker comes out to stare down Lashley. He had just won the Royal Rumble and was sizing up all of the champions. If anyone thought he was going to pick Lashley they were insane. Then the real reason Test got another match with Lashley becomes apparent, as he needed to be present so he could be cannon fodder for an Undertaker chokeslam.