Lucha Underground: Last Man or Machine Standing

August 22, 2018 – Los Angeles, California

Melissa Santos is doing her own makeup (yeah right) when El Dragon Azteca checks in on her. He knows she misses Fenix. He puts the amulet around her neck and says Fenix is with her. What the hell kind of weird trying-to-creep-out-of-the-friendzone shit was that? 

Matt Striker eats sunflower seeds on TV. What is going on here?! 

Mil Muertes def. The Mack {Haunted House Match}
This is a cage match with some Halloween decorations draped around the steel. Some of those decorations are axes and knives, which is absurd. Santos introduces Muertes without Catrina, so Catrina gets in her face. Santos stands her ground and refuses, so Catrina beats her up. She tries to do a spot with a flower vase but the breakaway glass crumbles too early. And now the match. If you like DDTs and weapons shots and not much else, you might like this match. You also might not because it’s pretty slow in the first half. The tables have words like Boooo and Spooky written on them, making this feel like a cartoon. Striker trying to sell a table with Haunted written on it being a scary thing is so goddamn dumb I can’t take it. The Mack gets busted open with a butcher knife, and for me that ruins the believability of this whole thing. Of all the things Muertes could do with a knife he chooses to use it to slice the Mack exactly where every wrestler always gets cut? Muertes hits a Flatliner from the top through a table for the win at 9:49. This was pretty clearly meant to air in October, and the fact that people saw it in August leaves it without much worth. I did not like it. Perhaps inspired by Santos, Catrina refuses to do what Muertes wants her to do after the match. *¾ 

Famous B is in the audience, having survived his leg injury. He’s in a wheelchair, but he’ll be good as new soon. With Santos gone, he’s taking over ring announcing. He regrets the decision immediately based on who is in the next match. 

Jake Strong def. Aerostar
What is the fascination with Strong (now Hager)? He is void of charisma and at best below-average in the ring. Both guys here wearing gold was rough on the eyes. Aerostar getting jobbed out so soon after his triumphant liberation of Drago was a bummer too. Hanger wins in 2:13 with the anklelock. Drago saves Aerostar from a broken ankle after the match. He breaks out the nunchucks and Strong backs off. *½ 

The Worldwide Underground has a shower for Johnny Mundo and Taya. Mundo cries when Taya gives him an oil painting of himself holding the title. He’s happy, but reminded of the fact that he’s no longer the champion. Taya says not to worry because the week after the wedding, he’s getting a title shot. Benjamin Cook shows up for the party, but Ricky Mundo won’t let him in. Ricky’s doll tells him to attack, so Mundo stabs him to death with a pen. I guess that means Ricky murdered Angelico. 

Pentagon Dark def. Cage {Lucha Underground Championship Last Man or Machine Standing Match}
In what should have been the dynamic in this feud from the beginning, Dark got dominated here and had to fight from behind the whole time. He didn’t so much make comebacks as he did get in desperate, short flurries of offense. Cage ripped his mask, bloodied, him, and put Dark through objects with big moves over and over. The rules weren’t really enforced here, as on multiple occasions one guy or another was on the mat for far longer than a ten count, but the referee just stopped counting so that the match could continue. Dark got the win at 13:17 with a package piledriver onto upright chairs, an armbreaker on each arm, and a stomp onto a cinderblock. Said cinderblock was crumbling before anyone touched it. Budget cuts clearly meant this company was investing in the shittiest of props. The story here was good, but the execution was hinky. ***½