History of the AIW Championship | Part 1 | Worst. Commentary. Ever.

I’ve been putting this one off for a bit because it seemed like something of a hefty endeavor. Absolute Intense Wrestling has been around in Ohio since 2005, coming up at the tail end of the post-ECW indie boom. At the time, the midwest was rife with places for non-mainstream talent to work, so AIW was an afterthought to me back then. There was also the issue that the similarly initialed AAW opened up shop just a year before, right next door in Illinois, with a familiar face in Danny Daniels at the helm. I didn’t know John Thorne. But I did know Josh Prohibition, who headlined their first show. Prohibition was part of a group with whom I’d eat dollar chicken tenders at the University Roadhouse in Kalamazoo, Michigan back when I was in college. [Note from two weeks in the future: I confused Prohibition with Josh Abercrombie, who was actually the guy from chicken finger night] So AIW found a place in the back of my mind, but didn’t really creep up again until this past weekend, when Matt Cardona won its title.

I may be misremembering what I read, but I remember coming across a blurb where someone in charge of AIW said that they delivered a great experience for the fans, even if their matches usually clocked in at two-and-a-half stars. I hope I’m not attributing that to the wrong company. Either way, as funny as that is, it does make me dread sitting through over 30 mediocre title change matches.

July 31, 2005 – Seven Hills, Ohio

The Thrillbilly def. Vincent Nothing {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From It’s On Again, AIW’s second show. Nothing had lost to Matt Cross on AIW’s debut show, so it’s interesting that he’s in this match. Thrillbilly had beaten a guy called Thomas Von Erich. I’d poke into why both of those matches happened in the midcard if they wanted these guys to fight for their new title, but then this match is happening in the midcard as well. It makes sense in a way; this is a new company and it’s logical to put guys like Cross and Sonjay Dutt in the main event so that you can use them to better promote the show. So I shrug it off and move on. I’d try to glean some info about why these two are the title contenders from the commentators, but the commentary is impossible to hear as it was recorded over the house microphone. That’s insane, and apparently a thing that sometimes happens in indie wrestling. I’m going to say that it’s insane again, because the fans in attendance don’t want or need it and it makes it impossible to hear it on the video recording. So it’s worse than pointless, it’s detrimental. Thrillbilly is a fat hick and Nothing seems to be doing an east coast meathead club guy gimmick. Oh, and the referee is wearing an oversized white t-shirt, camo shorts (matching Thrillbilly), and a lucha mask. I can’t say the match was bad, but I can say that Nothing did all the work and Thrillbilly was following along as best he could. Thrillbilly hit a fireman’s carry driver for the win at 7:01, though Nothing kicked out before the three count like a jerk. The title was a replica of the Big Eagle/Attitude Era WWF Championship belt. I’d make fun of this, but it’s ubiquitous in indie wrestling because custom, good looking belts are so expensive. It makes financial sense to me to use a silly replica until you know you can bring in a little extra dough for a custom belt later. **

November 13, 2005 – Cleveland, Ohio

Lou Marconi def. The Thrillbilly {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From Hell on Earth. AIW has moved from a gymnasium to a theater, so the lighting is less harsh. More importantly, the referee is dressed like a referee. The commentary is still on the house system though. Kevin Ford warned me that this lasts for a while. The worst part about it is that the wrestlers are forced to react to what the commentators say throughout the match. It’s an existential nightmare, as far as wrestling reality goes. Thrillbilly is totally lost out here, bumbling around looking like he doesn’t know how his arms are meant to work. The match goes from bad to hilarious at the end though. Once they run out of things to do, Thrillbilly slaps on a Camel Clutch and just sits in it. The ring announcer makes a five-minutes-elapsed call, and Thrillbilly immediately releases the hold and gets rolled up by Marconi to lose the title at 5:14. I’ve seen many times wrestlers take cues from the time call to move to a different phase of the match, but I’ve never seen it used so blatantly and immediately to bring sweet relief to two guys who didn’t know what else to do in the ring. The title belt has changed from a replica WWE strap to a generic, but less toyetic one. I think it’ll be fun to check in on where each guy is after his final AIW title loss. Thrillbilly appears to have retired back in 2012. ½*

February 2, 2006 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Vincent Nothing def. Lou Marconi {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From A Night of Mystery. AIW now has a hard camera set up and they show entrances, which were left off before. Unfortunately, the hard cam is set up directly behind one of the turnbuckles, so it’s useless. The number one contender, The Deviant, sits in on the house mic commentary for the match. He would go on to be known as Michael Hutter, Derrick Bateman (my favorite version of him), and EC3. This match was fine, just barely fine, but so basic that the crowd was completely dead for it. It’s also possible that the camera mics weren’t strong enough to pick up much beyond the commentary. The finish saw two women I don’t recognize and who were barely named by the commentary team (but fully degraded by the commentary team) getting into a catfight while wearing high heels in the ring. That didn’t influence the match at all, but it did happen. Shortly after, Nothing caught Marconi with a schoolboy roll up for the win at 10:05. Marconi seems to have retired in 2015. *½ 

May 28, 2006 – Cleveland, Ohio 

The Deviant def. Vincent Nothing {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From the inaugural Absolution, the SuperBowl of AIW.  You know what I learned when trying to watch this match on IWTV? If there’s a popular livestream going on at the same time, you’re better off doing something else with your life. Because this thing paused a LOT. A few times during this match, Deviant tried jumping onto the second turnbuckle and each time he tripped. That’s a CM Punk-level of commitment to doing something in the ring you’re not capable of doing. Aside from that, this was actually pretty good. It was the first match in this post that featured two athletic wrestlers who were mostly capable of having an engaging match. Even the interference from Nothing’s woman at ringside was much more conducive to a compelling story. Here, she hit Deviant with a crutch which led to a roll up win for Nothing. But authority figure Chandler Biggins came out to restart the match and physically carry the valet to the back. Nothing controlled for the next four minutes, working the arm. But Deviant hit a powerbomb to escape a triangle choke and got the win at 19:36. Nothing is still kicking around a few prominent indies, teaming with Ricky Shane Page mostly. Deviant started going by his real name right after this. In October, after a pair of no-contests against Nothing for the title in casket matches, the title was held up as vacant. Of course, Hutter went on to greater fame in WWE, then in TNA, then in WWE again, and now in ROH. ***

December 17, 2006 – Cleveland, Ohio

Raymond Rowe def. Chris Cronus, Christian Faith, Dios Salvador, J-Rocc, Jason Gory, Jimmy Kosar, John McChesney, John Thorne, K-Fed, Kano, Lamont Williams, Marion Fontaine, Michael Hutter, Moonshine Muck Mcgee, Morty Rackem, Nick Belushi, Patrick Hayes, Raymond Rowe, Rebis, Rufio Rapier, Shawn Blaze, Shiima Xion, Starless, Sterling James Keenan, Syd Smythe, The Butcher, The Duke, The Potato, Tyrone Evans, and Vincent Nothing {AIW Absolute Championship Gauntlet for the Gold Match}
From the second annual Gauntlet for the Gold. The first had been a number one contender match, so to up the ante they made sure the title was vacant so it could be on the line here. Biggins explained the rules of the match, which is a Royal Rumble except that only the floor on three sides of the ring are grounds for elimination. But the way he explained it made a rather simple caveat very confusing. The match starts with Hutter at number one, running a gauntlet. He eliminates three skinny geeks before Nothing comes in and stops his momentum. I pretty much tune out for the next ten minutes as it’s all kicking, punching, and choking without any regard for the Hutter/Nothing story. That is, until K-Fed comes in and I try to figure out whether he’s Kevin Federline or an impersonator. He’s the latter, FYI. For most of the rest of the match, I was pretty bored. Despite there being stretches of action that were worked out ahead of time, there were so many people in the ring at all times that it was impossible to get invested in anything going on. Specifically, none of the eliminations felt important because no one had a chance to establish themselves as a real contender in the match. That is, except Rowe, Hutter, and Nothing. I guess J-Rocc a little bit because Biggins screamed at him on the microphone. But as a Rumble overall, this was awful. Rowe spent much of his time in the match standing around and looking for something to do. What a maroon. And he wasn’t alone; a lot of guys looked clueless for a lot of this match. The finish saw all the dead weight get eliminated quickly, making the middle 45 minutes of the match totally pointless. Chris Brodus came out, revealed himself to be the man behind previous mysterious attacks on Hutter, and then eliminated Hutter and Nothing. Rowe and SKJ were the last two in the ring. Rowe got thrown out but his lackeys caught him and threw him back in. They played SJK’s music even though it was clear Rowe never hit the floor. This match was awful. Then, Rowe threw out SJK at 60:14. Never, ever watch this. ½*

May 20, 2007 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Steve Corino def. Raymond Rowe {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From Absolution 2. At this point, AIW was onto its third title belt, and making it three in a row of generic knockoffs of more popular titles. This one looks like a slightly tweaked WWF Undisputed Championship belt from 2002. Rowe had just defeated Romeo Vino in defense of the title when he was attacked by Corino and goaded into a title match. They had a fun little brief strong style affair, which Corino won by changing up the gameplan and using the V9 Clutch for the title at 4:09. I have no issues with this. Corino defended the title through September, and then vacated it at some point later in the year. I’m not sure when but it was probably after October as they held a number one contender match for the belt at the October show. I’m not sure why he was stripped of the belt but he never worked in AIW ever again. He currently works for WWE at the Performance Center. Rowe is also currently signed to WWE where he wrestles as Erik.**

February 24, 2008 – Brook Park, Ohio

Sterling James Keenan def. Benny Boone, Chris Cronus, Dios Salvador, Dubleve, Eric Ryan, Gregory Iron, Hailey Hatred, Hobo Joe, Jim Roberts, Joey Diamante, Johnny Gargano, John Thorne, Josh Prohibition, K-Fed, Luis Diamante, Mad Man Pondo, Marion Fontaine, Matt Cross, Matthew Justice, Matt Riot, Mike Tolar, Nick Belushi, Rebis, The Potato, The Savage, Southside St. Clair, Thomas Von Erich, TJ Dynamite, and Vincent Nothing {AIW Absolute Championship Gauntlet for the Gold Match}
From Gauntlet for the Gold 3. The show started with SJK wrestling Salvador wrestling for the number 30 spot, which kind of makes sense because their aforementioned contender match against each other went to a draw. The AIW title belt now kind of looks like the non-Big Gold Belt version of the AWA title, or Dan Severn’s NWA title belt. Entrances are 90 seconds apart this time around, so the match will mercifully be shorter than the previous year’s.The first half of this match was a nondescript battle royal with a rotating cast. It had fewer moments than the 2007 version in which it looked like guys (or the one gal) didn’t know what they should be doing, but it also had zero moments that looked like any thought went into them. Aside from Gargano, who was almost unrecognizable with terrible hair and displaying nothing to set him apart, it also featured no one interesting. Then, Pondo came out and got to be the first person to clean house with a staple gun. That happened after 25 minutes of no one showing off any personality. After that, some of the entrants were notable. St. Claire wrestled in a necktie and diaper. I’m not saying it was good, just notable. Cross does an Ultimate Warrior impression for some reason. The Savage is Rebis, who the previous year did a Hulk Hogan cosplay and this year is going for more of a Kamala vibe. This racist gimmick brings into a harsh spotlight that everyone in this match of THIRTY PEOPLE is white. That’s not totally fair, Diamante is Puerto Rican. SJK, who came into this with the 1PW and FNW belts, two now-defunct championships, won at 47:40 by last eliminating Cross. Before coming down to the two of them, number one entrant Diamante eliminated himself to hit a dive on someone. I’m sure there’s a way to make that seem like an important sacrifice that a wrestler selflessly (or delusionally) makes, but here it just looked like he made a goof. Anyway, this was not worth your time, I’m upset that I wasted mine, and the crowd seemed to feel the same because they were completely quiet for the last five minutes of the match. *¼ 

February 26, 2009 – Lakewood, Ohio 

Drake Younger besiegt Sterling James Keenan {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From March for the Gold 2. This was kinda dumb. They built to a serious main event, but then had each other slipping on literal banana peels during the match. Neither guy was ever anything special in the ring, so it’s not like this was a missed opportunity at something fantastic. It was just a forgettable main event with a crummy finish. Younger hit a Death Valley Bomb (I hate that move) for the win, but SJK’s foot was under the ropes. Why would you not have the babyface go over the big heel clean? Y’all got this backwards. That happened at 13:25. SJK is now in WWE as commentator Corey Graves. **¼ 

June 12, 2009 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Jimmy DeMarco def. Drake Younger {AIW Absolute Championship Fans Bring the Weapons Match}
From Absolution 4. Okay right off the bat, fuck this match. One of the commentators calls it Kristallnacht because of the broken glass. And you know what, eat shit, my dude. Hope something bad happens to your family. The match is bad enough, as it’s filled with both guys hitting each other with sharp objects randomly, no reason or rhyme to anything. But then you’re going to try to get edgelord attention by comparing it to the Holocaust? It makes me wonder if the commentators said crap like this up to this point, but I was unable to hear them because until now their words have been muffled over the house speakers. Now that they’re patched into the soundboard and I can actually hear them, this is what I get. Gross. They don’t identify themselves at the top of the show so I don’t even know who they are, but I genuinely hope it wasn’t Drew Cordiero because I’ve always liked that guy and this would affect those feelings. DeMarco hits a low blow and puts his feet on the ropes to pin Younger at 14:04, ending this stupid stunt-filled excuse for a match. Younger was recently fired in disgrace from WWE, where he was a referee, seemingly because of his outspoken extreme political views. DeMarco was stripped of the title by the end of the year and never wrestled in AIW again. It’s not super clear to me why that happened or why it took them another six months to crown a new champion. DeMarco mostly wrestled in IWC after that and seems to have largely retired in 2016. ¼*

June 27, 2010 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Johnny Gargano def. Facade, Sterling James Keenan, and Tommy Mercer {AIW Absolute Championship Four Way Match}
From Absolution V. This was dumb, fun chaos, though the finish didn’t make sense. Maybe there was a storyline reason for it though. I’ll explain. Gargano had Facade in an ugly Cloverleaf, and SJK kept Mercer from making the save despite that ruining his own chances at winning the title. Facade tapped at 8:41 to make Gargano the champion. Gargano wrestled Bryan Danielson for the title to a thirty minute draw later in the night. I watched it because I needed a real palate cleanser after the abomination that was the Absolution 4 commentary. ***

June 26, 2011 – Lakewood, Ohio 

Shiima Xion def. Johnny Gargano {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From Absolution VI. Gargano had just successfully defended in a grueling match against Tim Donst. Some authority figure says that Xion, who comes out with an entourage after that match, is cashing in his shot. It’s not clear how that shot was earned and the commentators don’t specify. I’m going to guess it’s because he won the Todd Pettengill Invitational tournament. After a short match where everything looked nice and VERY rehearsed, a ton of interference led to Xion getting a roll up win at 3:21. Gargano is currently wrestling in WWE NXT, though word is that his contract expires two months from when I’m writing this. Xion was stripped of the title almost a year later when his TNA dates started conflicting with working for AIW. *¼ 

May 12, 2012 – Cleveland, Ohio

Eric Ryan def. BJ Whitmer and ACH {AIW Absolute Championship Elimination Match}
From the JT Lightning Invitational Tournament. The finals to fill the vacancy. The commentators emphasize that Ryan was the home grown participant here and talk about how he’s built himself up to the main event. Would have been a real drag to not have him win after that. This was going along just fine when Bobby Beverly runs out and hits Whitmer with his title belt, allowing ACH to eliminate Whitmer with a hurricanrana. A few people casually walk out to ringside from the lockerroom in the most awkward version of this trope I’ve ever seen. It really doesn’t work when the crowd is as quiet as it was here. The crowd wakes up when both guys no-sell head drops. They chant, “this is wrestling.” No selling head drops in a ten-minute match being the definition of wrestling is a major bummer. Ryan hits a second package piledriver for the win at 10:31. This felt like three guys pantomiming an epic match rather than actually having one. **¾

July 1, 2012 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Tim Donst def. Eric Ryan, Johnny Gargano, and Shiima Xion {AIW Absolute Championship Elimination Match}
From Absolution VII. This whole thing feels very choreographed. BUT, what they choreographed is nice to look at. That’s worth something. Not a ton, but something. Xion eliminated Ryan first by hitting a 450 Splash. Not long after that, Donst hit Xion with a German superplex, and Gargano followed that up with the Hurt’s Donut and the GargaNo Escape to eliminate Xion. Donst and Gargano have a fun little stretch that ends with Donst hitting a pair of Gator Rolls for the win at 11:53. Donst lost the title back to Ryan the following December. Xion currently wrestles in NXT as Joaquin Wilde. ***

June 30, 2013 – Cleveland, Ohio 

Colin Delaney def. Eric Ryan {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From Absolution VIII. Delaney won the Gauntlet for the Gold to earn this shot. I appreciate a great deal the thought that went into this match. There was clearly care in considering how the crowd would react to several escalating spots. The seams showed more than a little bit, and certain spots required a lot of blatant cooperation. But the overbooking was in the right place and the fans did indeed get amped by the end. I also liked the bit where Ryan and his manager got more brazen with the cheating the more they realized that the referee wouldn’t disqualify Ryan for the sake of not letting the title be stolen from Delaney. What I didn’t like was Delaney bringing in thumbtacks, because what excuse did the referee have to not disqualify him? Delaney hit a Superfly Splash for the win at 18:27. Ryan is still puttering around on the indies. ***

Ethan Page def. Colin Delaney {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
Page comes out holding the trophy he won at the JT Lightning Invitational tournament. Like Xion before him, I’m guessing that entitles him to an anytime anywhere title shot. Seleziya Sparx, who had been in Delaney’s corner, hits Delaney with a low blow. She becomes the victim of friendly fire, but Page is still able to hit Delaney with an avalanche uranage for the win in 55 seconds. Delaney still works on AIW shows and other prominent indies. *

November 1, 2013 – Clevland, Ohio 

UltraMantis Black def. Ethan Page {AIW Absolute Championship Match}
From Double Dare Tag Team Tournament. They actually got Marc Summers to send in a video as the host of this show. That is a hell of a get, but you have to imagine would make an even greater case for Nickelodeon if they wanted to be litigious. On the one hand, it was cool that the crowd was so shocked by Black’s win here. On the other hand, the conditions that got us to that great reaction meant that most of the match was met with indifference toward an unconvincing challenger. Still, they built up a bit of drama (but also a lame ref bump) near the end. Black hit the Praying Mantis Bomb for the win at 16:12. This was the first title he ever won, though he’d been wrestling for over a decade. That’s gotta be staggeringly rare in today’s indie scene. Page was far from done with this title. **¾ 

That does it for reviews of the first 15 (out of 17) AIW title changes. I’ll be back with the next batch of 15 in a few days.