WWE ECW December to Dismember

December 3, 2006 – Augusta, Georgia

Jeff Hardy & Matt Hardy def. Johnny Nitro & Joey Mercury
Tazz says the quiet part out loud that it’s “kinda not cool” that all four of these guys will probably be gone from ECW after this match. On the one hand that makes it idiotic to have this match here, but on the other the rest of the card looks so bad we definitely need it. On a different note, Tazz is just garbage on commentary here, to the point that Joey Styles calls him out on it. The match was solid, but they could have made the same point in half the time. Definitely not the aspiring show-saver people claimed it was at the time. ***

Balls Mahoney def. Matt Striker {Extreme Rule Enforcement Match}
Eye-gouging, hair-pulling, top rope moves, and foul language are all super illegal here and will result in a disqualification. Gotta love a stipulation for a match with zero build. The match was boring, house show nothing. *½

Backstage, Sabu has been attacked. Later, Rob Van Dam and CM Punk show concern as Sabu is loaded into an ambulance. After that, Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly in the main event in Sabu’s place. Knowing that Heyman was creatively against swapping Holly in for Sabu, this was kind of fascinating to watch.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay def. Little Guido & Tony Mamaluke
I’ve seen worse matches than this, but the crowd turned here. They chanted about pizza, changing the channel, TNA, but surprisingly not anything gross about Trinity. *¾

Daivari def. Tommy Dreamer
The biggest response here came from Great Khali getting ejected. Daivari won with a handful of tight-assisted roll up. The match was okay, but Daivari being on this PPV at all was flabbergasting. Khali beats Dreamer up on the ramp after the match. Okay. **

Ariel & Kevin Thorn def. Kelly Kelly & Mike Knox
Kelly wished Punk good luck in the main event before this match. This was very, very bad. Knox walks out on Kelly, leading to Ariel pinning her. The crowd chants for Punk to help Kelly, but Sandman helps instead because what even are storylines? ¼*

Bobby Lashley def. Big Show, Test, Hardcore Holly, Rob Van Dam, and CM Punk {ECW Championship Elimination Chamber Match}
The first fifteen minutes of this match were pretty boring, a few interesting spots aside. Then they almost had an interesting story going, with the bad guys isolating Lashley and making him run a gauntlet to get to the title. But then they spoiled it by having Test turn on Holly. That made Holly’s presence in the match totally useless. From a qualitative standpoint this wasn’t the garbage main event I was expecting, but from a storytelling standpoint they stepped on their own toes a few times here. Case in point, the final segment between Lashley and Show started off dramatically and interestingly, and then they lumbered through a drag of a finish. **¼

The show was just over two hours long, and isn’t really worse than some of the house show content WWE puts on the WWE Network these days. Taken in that context, and given that it got rid of Paul Heyman as a creative director, it’s not so offensive. Understood in its historic context, it’s a total disaster, the opposite of an NXT Takeover special as everyone here took the opportunity to try less hard than they usually might. Is this the worst WWE PPV of all time? I don’t know, I haven’t seen most of them. But it’s probably the one with the most meaningless matches.