June 11, 2006 – New York, New York
Paul Heyman starts the show by cutting a really sloppy, scattered promo. ECW fans love when he gushes over it though (and when he gushes over himself), and it’s the kind of thing he’d do when ECW was running shows, so at least it feels era appropriate.
Tazz def. Jerry Lawler
Lawler slaps Joey Styles before the match, and honestly after reading Styles’ political tweets I can’t say I blame him. Styles tries to attack Lawler in the ring, but King shuts that down and goes for a piledriver. That’s enough distraction for Tazz to lock in the Tazzmission for the squash win. This crowd is really loud. N/A
Kurt Angle def. Randy Orton
Orton’s theme song in 2006 was so much better than his current one. Angle looked superhuman here, arrogant as hell, cutting off Orton at every turn and never really getting into any trouble. It’s a testament to the talent of both guys that they can do what was almost a fifteen-minute squash and keep it interesting. I dug this, and kind of can’t believe how little offense Orton got here. ***½
Little Guido & Tony Mamaluke def. Super Crazy & Tajiri
It took the wind out of the sails of the crowd when the FBI won this thing. Everyone was working hard here, and the match was never boring, but it didn’t really add up to anything either. Also, the crowd was very hot for Crazy & Tajiri, so I have to reiterate that jobbing them here felt stupid. And then Big Show (complete with boogers) comes out and beats up everyone anyway. ***
JBL cuts a promo from the balcony talking about how he beat up the Blue Meanie on this show a year ago and then running down the ECW brand. He rags on Tazz for leaving network TV on Smackdown for the SciFi Network and ECW. And that’s it. Promos on PPV are always so boring.
Rey Mysterio nc. Sabu {World Heavyweight Championship Extreme Rules Match}
This and the ‘14 Royal Rumble are pretty much the only scenarios in which I can conceive of Mysterio getting booed. This match, which was conducted under the most extreme or rules, ends after Sabu hits a DDT through a table to the floor and then the whole thing is called off. Neither guy is stretchered out, so the finish seems ridiculous. The rest of the match was violent, a little sloppy, and fueled by a really hot crowd. But damn, that finish was trash. **½
Edge, Lita & Mick Foley def. Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk & Beulah McGillicutty {Extreme Rules Match}
Foley cuts a very funny promo before the match, saying he used to love ECW… when it was run by Stephanie McMahon, “Long live the Alliance!” That’s some comic-book level self-referential genius. Then Edge lays out some mild anti-semitism and Lita rambles for a bit while the crowd says awful things to her. So, you know, Trump was foreshadowed. McGillicutty cuts an equally lame promo, leading to her and Lita being added to the match. Honestly, I wonder if Edge is embarrassed by this match. I know a lot of people miss this kind of violence and mixed-match nonsense (and Edge’s ultra-sleaze), but almost none of this did anything for me. There was no sense of drama, shifting control, or story in this. Even Funk’s comeback after getting his eye injured fell flat because he got taken out again so quickly. The women being put into the match was a lazy shortcut, as they did almost nothing and were just added so that nobody important had to take a fall. There was just Edge acting gross and people poking each other with barbed wire. Yikes and no thank you. **
Balls Mahoney def. Masato Tanaka
This was whatever. It was more of a comedy match than a hard-hitting one, and Tanaka got almost no offense in. Tanaka always deserves better. On the other hand, given that Mahoney had CTE when he died i’m not mad that I didn’t have to watch him getting hit with a chair a bunch of times here. *½
Eugene cuts another boring promo before the main event. Sandman comes out and canes him. Wasn’t Eugene a babyface? Why not have your nostalgic fan favorite beat up a heel?
Rob Van Dam def. John Cena {WWE Championship Extreme Rules Match}
This was really cool. The crowd was more into this than anything else on the show, and that’s saying something. Cena was in control for a LOT of the match, falling behind whenever he let the crowd get to him. It was cool to see him wrestle heel, as he knew that he was in big trouble in front of this audience. The action was real fun, though RVD certainly didn’t come out of it looking very strong. He got his ass kicked through a lot of this, which is fine as he was a babyface fighting from underneath. Needing Edge and Paul Heyman to help him win didn’t do him a lot of favors, but knowing that he didn’t end up holding the title takes some of the edge off of that sting. ****