Lucha Underground: Wheel of Misfortune

September 7, 2016 – Los Angeles, California

Dario Cueto is in jail, but gets out immediately. A cop says he has friends in high places. Another cop is the Honky Tonk Man and I lose my actual shit. Cueto gets into a limo with the councilman from last season. His evil boss is in there too, speaking in Spanish and flexing a Shredder arm. I’m glad they didn’t forget about him. 

Then we flash to the Temple, where Vampiro says he’s done being anyone’s master and the Cueto brothers are in the ring. Dario teases Rey Mysterio getting a title shot, but then books him against Pentagon Dark instead. Then he shows off the Dario’s Dial of Doom, which is a wheel with wrestlers names on it for a chance at a title shot against Matanza. Only those Matanza hasn’t beaten one-on-one (and of course not Rey Mysterio because Matanza pinned him in Aztec Warfare (cheap)) appear on the wheel. And it lands on…

Matanza Cueto def. Son of Havoc {Lucha Underground Championship Match}
Okay, so they found a backdoor to make night one of Ultima Lucha Dos less of a cop out. I’ll take it. This was fun. Havoc got a couple opportunities to tease the upset, but ultimately they weren’t doing a Cinderella title change in the first episode of the season. Cueto won in 7:25 with the Wrath of the Gods. ***

The Worldwide Underground crashes Dario’s office to demand a title match for Johnny Mundo. Then we get a flashback to Ultima Lucha Dos and the Worldwide Underground beating up Angelico for costing them the Trios Championships. Then they slammed his leg in a car door. Dario loves the story, but won’t give Mundo a shot at any titles. But since Taya won at Ultima Lucha Dos, she gets a shot at Sexy Star’s Gift of the Gods Championship. They accomplished a lot with that bit. 

Ivelisse is in the ring, calling out Catrina for Ultima Lucha Tres. Catrina teleports into the Temple and accepts. Look for that thirty-eight episodes for now. Not sure how they’re going to keep that interesting for a full year. 

Sexy Star def. Taya {Gift of the Gods Championship Match}
This was solid, but the best part of the match was Vampiro making a Johnny Smith reference on commentary, Matt Striker trying to correct him and suggesting he meant Johnny Saint, and Vampiro shutting Striker down. I’d cut Striker a break though because I’d also never heard of Johnny Smith before this. The Worldwide Underground came out to help Taya, but it backfired and Star rolled Taya up for the win at 4:33. After the match, Sexy Star gets beat up until the Trios Champions make the save. I’d watch this eight-person tag. **¼ 

Dario’s phone call is interrupted by Marty Martinez. Martinez and his rich family sent Dario gifts while he was in jail. Dario doesn’t want his stint in the slammer mentioned at all. He notices that Martinez still has Killshot’s dog tags, and he books a WMD match between them. It’s just another in a long list of names for a hardcore match. 

Rey Mysterio def. Pentagon Dark
This was pretty good. There wasn’t a terrible amount of no-selling, but there was some no-selling that didn’t make sense. But they kept up a fun pace and kept the fans in a frenzy. Vampiro walked out on commentary near the end of the match, just before Mysterio won with the Panama Sunrise at 8:18. That was kinda weird. What is even the point with Dark anymore? He loses so so so much. He tries to break Mysterio’s arm after the match, but El Dragon Azteca makes the save. ***¼ 

In the back, Prince Puma thinks about his loss at Ultima Lucha Dos. Vampiro approaches him and offers guidance, but Puma rejects it. Vampiro suggests that losing to Mil Muertes has changed Puma’s career, and if he wants to get back on track he needs to take out Muertes. Puma is surprised that Vampiro doesn’t want him to take out Dark, but Vampiro seems to just be trying to help.