Lucha Underground: Ultima Lucha Part 1

July 29, 2015 – Los Angeles, California

Black Lotus is working out in her cell. Dario Cueto approaches her, dressed to the nines. He tries to convince Lotus that it wasn’t Matanza’s fault that he became a monster, but that their father turned him into one. He also says Matanza didn’t kill Lotus’s parents, but rather that El Dragon Azteca did because his Azteca clan was at war with her parents’ crew in Hong Kong. Who can she trust?!

Cage def. The Mack {Falls Count Anywhere Match}
This was a little too spot→spot→spot for me, but I have to give them credit for beating the crap out of each other and getting the crowd fired up. Also, the spots were dope and dangerous-looking without being dangerous enough to make me feel sick. Cage put Mack’s head through a cinder block with a curbstomp for the win at 7:43. I’m not sure how the rest of the show lives up to that finish. ***½ 

Barrio Negro, El Siniestro de la Muerte & Trece def. Angelico, Ivelisse & Son of Havoc {Lucha Underground Trios Championship Match}
It’s absurd that the Disciples even have different names, let alone just how ridiculously different their names are, given how interchangeable they are. At least here they have new masks that are different colors, and Trece has his name (number) on his forehead. This was kind of sloppy, and Ivelisse’s injury became a problem here. She was put in a submission for a while and didn’t submit, which just came off as stupid. Also kind of stupid was Angelico hitting a dive off the office for a third time, and I’m just numb to it now. Ivelisse beating up Catrina was fun, but then Catrina based her face with the magic rock. That gave Negro the pin over Ivelisse at 6:20. Blah, whatever, didn’t care for it. **

Drago def. Hernandez {Lumberjack Match}
Vampiro says that not believing that dragons have ever existed makes you a fake man… and I don’t know what to make of that. Does he think dinosaurs were dragons? I know goth like dragons, but does he believe in unicorns too? Somehow him saying that made Drago a lot less cool. The lumberjacks are a group of nerds with leather straps. They won’t whip Drago, but they go after Hernandez. That’s fun. Eventually, Hernandez starts snatching straps out of the fans’ hands. They happen to be the fans that look most like wrestlers, so it’s not surprising that they’re the ones who Hernandez throws Drago onto. Drago mists Hernandez, hits him with nunchucks, puts him through a table, and then hits a Superfly Splash for the win at 8:46. It wasn’t Flair vs. Steamboat, or even really much of a wrestling match, but it was a very satisfying destruction of Hernandez. ***

So this was pretty much the pre-show for what would be the real card next week, which is twice as long.

The episode ends with El Dragon Azteca trying to get into the Temple, but being stopped by a hooded luchador. The guy in the hood says a prophecy says states he can’t enter. The hooded figure says he’ll get Prince Puma to help Lotus, but Azteca doesn’t want to put Puma in danger. The hooded figure says he’ll take care of it, but Azteca says he’s not ready. The prophecy apparently says that Azteca will die if he enters the temple, but Azteca says that only the man will die, but the moniker will live on. The hooded figure let’s him enter. I love this soap opera shit.