Lucha Underground: El Jefe

June 13, 2018 – Los Angeles, California

Dario Cueto is dead. Only FBI Agent Winter and Antonio Cueto, Dario’s father, are at the funeral. Winter puts Cueto in charge of Lucha Underground and blames Dario’s death on gangbangers. But the Temple isn’t safe. Antonio says he has a warehouse he uses to store beer that he will use as the new Temple. Then Winter says that Antonio ordered the hit on Dario. Then why lie about who pulled the trigger? Antonio takes Matanza’s key off of Dario’s corpse.

The new Temple looks like shit compared to the old one. The hue is now more blue instead of red. The ring now has blue and yellow ropes. Would it be that hard to just put black tape on the ropes so this didn’t look so low budget? The cameras and lighting are bush league too, and the fans in the crowd are clearly being told to overact when Antonio reveals himself. Hey, Danielle Radford, I see you in the crowd and you don’t need to do high school theater. Just be a fan. There are Modelo advertisements all over the place, which I’d feel more forgiving of if that money had gone into keeping the product looking good. Anyway, Antonio wants a new champion, so Pentagon Dark will have to defend his title in Aztec Warfare. 

Pentagon Dark def. Chavo Guerrero, Daga, El Dragon Azteca, Fenix, Hernandez, Jeremiah Crane, Joey Ryan, Johnny Mundo, Killshot, King Cuerno, Mariposa, Marty Martinez, Mil Muertes, Mr. Pectacular, Ricky Mundo, Son Of Havoc, the Mack, Tommy Dreamer, and Vinny Massaro {Lucha Underground Championship Aztec Warfare Match}
Mack and Killshot start, and are told that Dante Fox is MIA. Antonio declares that Havoc is the new third Trios Champion, and he’s in third (starting the match with the other two). So Antonio is the exact same character as Dario, just with a wig, trench coat, a messed up eye, and speaking in a gravelly voice. Ryan comes out fourth and handcuffs himself to the ropes, as is tradition. Pectacular is fifth in his debut. Killshot rolls up Mack to eliminate him. The champ is out sixth and eliminates Ryan with a pumphandle piledriver. Ryan took off his own handcuffs you see. Why handcuff at all then? Havoc eliminates Killshot with a Shooting Star Press. Dreamer is out next and doesn’t immediately get eliminated, showing that the booking is worse this season too. Dark eliminates Pectacular with a weak superkick. Woof, everyone is phoning this thing in. Mariposa is out next and she’s… I don’t know how to say it politely so I’ll tiptoe around it and say I thought a different, bigger wrestler had taken over the gimmick at first. Havoc hits her with the rebound crusher to eliminate her. Dreamer breaks out thumbtacks and ends up getting speared onto them. He never got pinned, but this apparently counted as his elimination. What the actual fuck. Massaro is out, gets a pizza delivered, and shoves the delivery guy. This is like watching Lucha Underground slowly become Wrestling Society X. Dark piledrives him onto the pizza to eliminate him. Hernandez is back and he’s got some new ink. Dark immediately breaks his arm and eliminates him. Then he eliminates Havoc with a lungblower. Mundo is out next. 

Angelico was supposed to be out next but nobody came out. Then Ricky Mundo replaces him, carrying a creepy doll. The Mundos work together for a minute, but Ricky is distracted by his doll. Then he turns on Johnny. This is awful. Johnny eliminates Ricky with a neckbreaker. Fenix is out next and we finally get some good wrestling from him, Dark, and Mundo. Next out is Crane because nothing good can last. Muertes is out next for a confrontation with Crane. Fenix eliminates Muertes and Catrina abandons him. Daga is out next, then Guerrero. The commentators don’t mention that he lost a match that meant he could never return to LU. Dark eliminates Crane with the millionth piledriver of the match. Guerrero eliminates Fenix with a brainbuster. This suuuucks. Mundo eliminates Daga with the End of the World. Way to rebuild Daga. Remember when Moon said that Daga was dead? Cuerno is out next, letting his long hair flow. Jobber Azteca is out next. Vibora and his new mask (much more like his current Luchasaurus mask) storm out and attack Mundo to get revenge for Daga’s elimination. Martinez is out last thank god. He covers and eliminates Mundo. Cuerno eliminated Jobber Azteca with a Frog Splash. The final four are all heels, though Dark is sort of a tweener and I guess who really knows what Cuerno is now? Guerrero hits Cuerno with a low blow and hits the Gory Bomb to eliminate him. Dark eliminates Guerrero with a superkick. Martinez vs. Dark is just big move → kick out → big move → kick out, over and over, with no real flow. Dark finally wins with the piledriver at 32:13. Even if you ignore the stupid moments in this match, you can’t ignore that throughout the thing you had most of the entrants waiting patiently on the floor and let two guys fight in the ring. Why not just book a gauntlet match then? As Aztec Warfare, this was bad. **¼ 

Dark breaks Martinez’s arm after the match. Antonio comes out and says that while Dario would have made Dark defend his title right now, he’s a better promoter. Instead, next week Dark will defend his title against Matanza. This feels different in a bad, bad way. Oh god, I hope this season isn’t a slog. I want to remember this TV show fondly.