The entire run of this show, including the MTV.com matches, still takes less time to watch than a single WrestleMania (or any big four WWE PPV). So I’m knocking out the whole run in one review. I love Lucha Underground, and this was pretty clearly the precursor to that show. I’ll review the WSXtras too where I can, but if they’re hard to find I’m not going to bother since the show doesn’t acknowledge them and give me a break it’s WSX. 

January 30, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

The commentators here are comedian Bret Ernst and XPW’s announcer Kris Kloss. So the first thing I’m noticing here is that Lucha Underground directly lifted (and improved upon) the production here. From the sweeping pans to the quick shots of the crowd (different than the deliberate crowd shots the big companies have done for decades) to the grungry “underground” feel of the venue. This place is called the Bunker, but I’ll always prefer the Temple. Zakk Wylde joined the commentary team, but he’s a shadow of the version of himself that appeared on Aqua Team Hunger Force.

Jack Evans def. Matt Sydal
Sydal has a girlfriend called Lizzy Valentine. This match was what you’d expect these two to do in a three-minute bout for an MTV audience. That is to say, we got flips and Sydal bumping like a cartoon. Valentine tried to get involved, but Evans used her as a launching pad for a DDT and then hti the 630 senton for the win at 3:21. **

Next up we get a brief look at some of the tag teams coming to WSX, but of course nobody tells us who anyone in this montage is, or even who is teaming with who. Then Justin Credible, looking like a guy not cool enough to be on MTV in any era, says tonight is his night. Then New Jack shoves Chris Hamrick. Then Teddy Hart screams into the void, and the production company forgot to set up a boom mic for him so he sounds like this was recorded from his basement at home. Then Kaos tries to get Aaron Aguilera focused for his match but Aguilera just wants to talk on the phone. All these guys will be in the main event (except Aguilera who just inexplicably never shows up), but these videos didn’t give us a sense of who any of them are. This is MTV, why not have the characters do talking heads like on every other one of the reality shows on that channel at the time? God forbid people get an on-ramp to this show. Instead, it just feels like you’re being shouted at for twenty minutes. I mean, GQ Money literally shouted the ring announcements in what I think is one of the greatest miscalculations in wrestling history. This guy works for NXT now and I can’t say how relieved I am that this kind of nonsense never got through Triple H. 

6-Pac and Vampiro def. Alkatrazz, Chris Hamrick, Justin Credible, Kaos, New Jack, Puma, Teddy Hart, and Youth Suicide {WSX Rumble Contenders Match}
This is Royal Rumble rules with all kinda of stupid ultraviolent gimmicks on the floor. Oh but there’s a twist; you can get eliminated by going over the top rope, but you win by climbing a ladder and getting one of two contracts hanging from the cieling. The two winners fight against each other the following week to determine the first champ. Despite how convoluted the rules are, they just about make sense. Hart and Credible started. Kaos was out next. Then Vampiro. Seems like guys are coming out in roughly one-minute intervals. I love how the commentators say that the action can’t stop because of commercial breaks, but as they’re saying that they show clips of what will happen after the break. So it’s clearly pre-taped and they can show whatever they want whenever they want. Vampiro eliminated Puma in a few seconds during the commercial. Alkatrazz came out during the break too. 6-Pac is in right after that. Then Hamrick and Jack came out at the same time. Jack eliminates Hamrick and puts him through a table. Then he eliminated himself by accident. 

Luke Hawx helped Alkatrazz eliminate Koas and dump him onto a box of electricity. I don’t know how else to describe that think. Jack hit Hamrick with a dive through a table just because. Vampiro eliminated Alkatrazz and put him through a table. Suicide comes in last, long (relatively speaking, since this match is on a bath salts) after the previous entrant. He brings thumbtacks and ladders into the ring, but gets powered off of the latter onto the former. 6-Pac grabbed the first contract. Suicide tries to no-sell the thumbtack powerbomb and go for the other contract, but Credible eliminates him and knocks him onto an exploding… thing. Some kind of exploding thing. It exploded. I guess Suicide is probably dead then, since he blew up. Oh, nope, just unconcious with no burns or visible injuries. Vampiro fights off Credible to grab the second contract at 9:08 (shown) while 6-Pac inexplicably tries to stop them both. This was certainly not boring, but it was more than certainly not good. Everyone no-sold death and Hart just seemed to disappear. Maybe he got arrested. Meh. File this one under bad but the car crash bad we used to get and no the kind of boring bad we get today (in 2020). *½ 

Human Tornado def. Luke Hawx and Puma
This is the WSXtra and it aired on MTV.com the same day as the episode, I guess. At no point in this match did all three guys work at the same time. More than half the match was Tornado vs. Haws as Puma sat on the floor. The whole thing was shot on one camera at ringside, so the match felt low rent compared to the stuff that got shown on TV. Tornado won at 7:53 with a twisting senton to Puma. Tornado’s stuff with Hawx was actually pretty solid, an given that Puma was sort of in the Rumble they probably should have just done this as a singles. **

February 6, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

Human Tornado def. Luke Hawx
Holy shit, there’s actually some continuity on this show. Of course, that continuity is only for people who watched the previous week’s Xtra to know about in their hearts, because it’s not mentioned by the commentators. Speaking of commentators, Three Six Mafia joins them and says very little. This was pretty much a squash for Tornado. He absorbed a low blow, as he does, and then hit a huge super jump and a tornado DDT for the win at 1:52. Aguilera ran out and attacked Hawx after the match. Then Alkatrazz attacked Aguilera. Then Kaos came to the rescue but ended up going through a table. That all happened in one minute. *

Teddy Hart & Matt Cross are the Filth and the Fury. They say they’re the best in Canada and America, respectively. The look in Hart’s eyes during this promo should have been enough to get him arrested right there. 

Disco Machine & Joey Ryan def. Yoshino & Horiguchi
The ring announcer mispronounces Horiguchi’s name. I wonder if Vince McMahon got the idea of stealing wrestler’s given or surnames from WSX. This was back when the most extreme things Ryan did were use an enhaler and get his ass exposed in a thong. They packed what they could into a two-minute match, I guess. Ryan finished Yoshino with a superkick at 2:34. How did the Dragon Gate guys even get involved in this mess? **

Johnny Webb’s kin Josh Raymond & Nate Webb are the Trailer Park Boyz. Did changing the s to a z really stop the TV show from litigating this nonsense? This was DOA. I totally forgot that Josh Abercrombie got onto television. Boy did things really not work out for him after this. 

Vampiro def. 6-Pac {WSX Championship Match}
They never announce that this is a Falls Count Anywhere match, but they start going for pins on the floor. Oh okay, later they say that every WSX match is FCA. On the one hand, this being more deliberate (and I use that term extremely relative to everything else we’ve seen) was a nice change of pace. They clearly cut a lot from the match, as two minutes in all of Vampiro’s face paint is smudged or gone. Because of the clipping, Vampiro appears to no-sell a DDT through a table and the X-Factor (called the 6-Factor ohmygodthatmakesmewanttodie) and this a low blow and a Tombstone Piledriver into a coffin at ringside (which explodes, of course) for the win at 4:32. Four minutes to determine the first champion, and of course since we haven’t heard either Vampiro or 6-Pac speak yet we had no way to feel invested in either of them going into the match. What did they think they were doing here? *½ 

So at this point I do a little research to find that the writing team for this show was made up of XPW producers, which explains everything about this show except for how XPW morons got MTV to put on their show. Vampiro apparently also provided creative input, so that explains why he was the first champion. Honestly, it’s not like it mattered who was the champion of this mess. 

Matt Sydal def. Matt Classic
From WSXtra 2. I get the pun for Colt Cabana’s character, but couldn’t they have had him debut against someone with a different first name? Kind of dilutes the joke. I’ll hand it to Cabana, he totally transformed into a ‘50s wrestler character and had the guts to expose his large man nipples for the bit. The match was a fine way to spend four minutes, mostly because it was a lot less manic than anything else on this show. Sydal won in 4:31 with a Shooting Star Press. **¼ 

February 13, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

Vampiro finally cuts a promo. The WSX Championship is his life, and he’ll make any sacrifice he has to in order to keep it. Dude has a weird attachment issue. 

Teddy Hart & Matt Cross def. Josh Raymond & Nate Webb
This was so weird. They were having the kind of match you’d expect these four to have in IWA: Mid-South, but then Hart took Webb to the floor, electrocuted him, and hit a dive off of a shipping container. Then completely disconnected from that, Cross hit a Shooting Star Legdrop on Raymond for the win at 3:26. Meanwhile, a couple of dudes from the band Sparta were on commentary, were actually knowledgable wrestling fans, but were asked the whole match whether they identified more with psycho Hart or white trash Webb. It’s amazing that anyone thought this could catch on. *¾ 

Jack Evans def. El Hombre Blanco Enmascarado
Enmascarado is Quicksilver, and it’s super fucking weird how this production acknowledges that he’s a former PWG tag champion but makes on mention of how it’s a completely different gimmick. Enmascarado did a bit of heeling, but then Evans hit a flip and a flop and then won with the 630 Senton at 2:00. Pretty much a squash for Evans. N/A

Matt Classic gets a vignette, if you’re wondering where the idea for the Vaudevillains came from. 

Alkatrazz & Luke Hawx def. Aaron Aguilera & Kaos {TLC Match}
TLC stands for Tables, Ladders, and Cervesas because Aguilera likes to get drunk and go after the ladies. He suggested this match to make it up to Kaos that he’s been an unsupportive friend so far in WSX. The actual story hasn’t borne that out, he’s actually been a failure but a good friend nonetheless. But then in this match, Aguilera flirts with ladies at ringside and has arguments with Kaos to show off rather than go for the win. That costs them, as Kaos takes beer bottles to the face and gets powerbombed through a table at 3:16 to give the jailbirds the win. Some of the spots were neat, but they meant nothing because the match was three minutes and they tried to pack three weeks worth of storylines into that. *½ 

February 27, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

Matt Sydal def. Scorpio Sky
This was the most normal wrestling match yet in this company. They did a bit of back and forth, then Valentine distracted Sky, Sydal took over, Sky got one last comeback but Sydal caught him up top and hit a belly to belly moonsault for the win at 3:42. If it wasn’t for the terrible commentary (which gets picture-in-picture treatment) I’d almost think I was watching a wrestling show. **¼ 

Marcus Riot approached Evans after the show last week to ask for career help, so Evans hit him with a low blow. Evans was a babyface so that’s just dumb. They had a WSXtra match that I couldn’t easily find, so that’s that. 

Babi Slymm & Ruckus def. Joey Ryan & Disco Machine
Slymm & Ruckus put out an open challenge, and we got this. Apparently That ‘70s Team had stolen Ruckus’s tiny ladder and people were supposed to care about that. On commentary, the guys from Clipse were full of gay panic. Ruckus hit a flipping Van Terminator off of a digitally shiny ladder into the baby ladder on Ryan for the win at 3:59. He also broke a disco ball on Ryan’s crotch, which somehow made him a babyface even though doing a similar thing made the Dragon Gate guys heels. This show couldn’t even keep character alignments straight from week to week. *¾ 

Arik Cannon beat up a random guy backstage who apparently was a friend of his. Imagine what he’ll do to his enemies! Dumb.

6-Pac laid out Human Tornado so Tornado’s match against El Hombre Enmascarado Blanco never happened. 6-Pac called out Vampiro. Vampiro came out without his title belt, only to be attacked by the facially-scarred Ricky Banderes. Vampiro took a fireball to the face. One of the Clipse guys calmly said “good shot,” after that, and who can blame them for being calm when this show features giant explosions on every episode. 

March 13, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

Banderas starts the show by saying that in a previous encounter, Vampiro put him in a casket and blew it up. That’s why his face is scarred. 6-Pac is lucky he didn’t get all scarred up too. 

Matt Cross & Teddy Hart def. Horiguchi & Yoshino
This was the best match in this show’s history by virtue of just being a regular tag team match. Of course, the finish had to be something silly as Hart & Cross hit stereo flippy dives onto Horiguchi & Yoshino and the ref counted both pins at 4:27 (shown). At least nothing blew up and Hart didn’t commit a felony. **½ 

Sky says that Sydal’s win the week before was a fluke, and he’s going to prove it by beating Evans. See, Evans beat Sydal so that would prove that Sky is the best. Not the worst logic ever if you’re trying to avoid rematches. 

6-Pac def. Human Tornado
Tornado probably got too much offense in here, given that 6-Pac was looking for a title shot. But that’s applying logic to whatever this garbage is supposed to be, so my bad. 6-Pac got the win in 2:00 with an avalanche X-Factor. *½ 

Team Dragon Gate were kidnapped and taken away for reprogramming as punishment for losing too much. That’s the good kind of goofy crap that Lucha Underground successfully stole and improved upon. 

Delikado nc. Arik Cannon
Speaking of Lucha Underground, B-Boy doesn’t use his typical name here just like there. This moved along at the pace that all WSX matches move along when at 1:52 a bunch of dudes interfered and attacked both guys. Nevermind, they’re just attacking Cannon and they’re aligned with Delikado. I recognize Lil’ Cholo but not the other two. They put Cannon through a table and then dunk his head in wet cement. N/A

A new episode starts here but MTV was burning off the show at this point and it aired on the same day. 

Jack Evans def. Scorpio Sky
Everyone in this feud (also including Sydal) is a heel. Oh wait, nope, turns out Evans is a babyface and they’re just ignoring that whole bit where he nut-shotted a fan of his. This match had actual peaks and valleys jammed into it, and Evans wrestling from behind to get the win (at 3:07 with the 450 Splash), and by that merit it’s upper echelon WSX. **½ 

Four episodes later they go back to the Aguilera/Kaos angle. Aguilera wants Kaos to be more of a party guy. He scares off Disco Machine and introduces Kaos to a couple of girls who are all over him despite not even talking to him. He ignores them and berates Aguilera for being a bad friend. They fight Hart & Cross next week, and Aguilera promises to let Kaos go his own way if they lose. Despite the weird misogyny, this was coherent from a storyline perspective by WSX standards. 

Disco Machine & Joey Ryan def. Jimmy Jacobs & Tyler Black
Everything about the pre-match backstage promos these teams cut made me want to die. Except Jacobs taking a bite of Quiznos to get some product placement in. That was fun. The irony of Good Charlotte on commentary shitting on the emo team is not lost on me. The match was basically Black using Jacobs as a weapon but then those dudes losing when Machine hit an avalanche powerslam on Jacobs at 2:23. Not bad, but how were they expecting people to remember anything about anyone in two minutes? *¾ 

Sakoda has Team Dragon Gate in a room looking like they’ve been tortured. They’re almost ready to return. Meanwhile, Black screams at Jacobs for their loss. Jacobs is just happy that Black is emoting and that he might have found love with a girl in the crowd tonight. Black’s grunts were hard to take. 

Banderas calls out Vampiro. On his way to the ring, 6-Pac attacks Vampiro. Youth Suicide tries to made the save but that doesn’t go anywhere. Vampiro brawls with 6-Pac to the back as Banderas throws Suicide off of a balcony through some boxes that inexplicably explode. 

March 14, 2007 – Los Angeles, California

Banderas started the show by beating up Suicide and a roadie for the band that was playing on this episode. He gets a title shot on the next show.

Delikado & Lil Cholo def. Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes
Oh my god, remember Vic Grimes? Delikado & Cholo are called the Cartel, which was directly lifted by Lucha Underground as the Crew. The first minute of this was actually fun, as the production had a good time accentuating Grimes’ size. But the second minute (I can’t believe that half of almost every match on this show is one minute) saw a mystery girl attack the Cartel, but that not mattering at all because their fat managers (El Jefe and some other fat person) pile on Grimes for the win at 2:43. The girl in the mask looks like Sara Del Rey. ¾*

Human Tornado def. Matt Sydal
Valentine has been hiding love letters from a mystery man from Sydal. The letter falls out of her pocket during the match, which distracts Sydal and gives Tornado the win at 3:32. This was fine until the gaga, but no different than the other three-minute matches the technically proficient and/or high flyer guys have put on. In the back, Sydal walks out on Valentine and somehow 6-Pac immediately knows it’s time to swoop in on her. *¾ 

Team Dragon Gate is still being tortured and brainwashed. 

Aaron Aguilera & Kaos def. Matt Cross & Teddy Hart
Hart and Cross hit a bunch of crazy dives, all of which get no-sold completely. Then Kaos boots a disco ball into Cross (no, That ‘70s Team wasn’t ringside; some girl in the audience had a disco ball for no reason) for the win at 3:45. So Kaos wins despite his partner learning nothing and Cross & Hart are no longer undefeated. So everything is pointless. *

New episode, same airdate. 

Delikado & Lil Cholo def. Aaron Aguilera & Kaos
Holy shit, a pre-fame Pitbull is on commentary. That this show was being burned off in a marathon is made embarrassing when they show a scene from after the show “last week” when the Cartel beat up Aguilera & Kaos. This match was totally fine. I have no problems with it. That also makes it one of the best WSX matches ever. Delikado pinned Kaos with an arm-trap piledriver at 3:29. That finisher is overkill for a three-minute match but whatever this whole company is overkill. **½ 

In the back, Alkatrazz & Hawx brawl with Grimes, Cannon & SDR. 

Lacey interviews Evans. Remember Lacey? Tornado interrupts and challenges him to a dance-off in fifteen minutes. I bet they don’t. 

Ricky Banderas def. Vampiro {WSX Championship Match}
As a Lucha Underground fan, this is the match that made me curious to watch WSX… so I hate it. The ring had a barbed wire exploding coffin at ringside. It also had a light-tube table which Vampiro no-sold despite his back getting ripped off. The skin may want Vampiro to make the stunt matter, but the production didn’t care. Banderas got the win and the title at 5:48 (shown) with a slam through the coffin. This was nothing, though I’m again amazed that this template was somehow brilliantly improved by LU. *

Just like I thought, they never went back to Evans and Tornado having a dance-off. 

New episode, same airdate. 

Alkatrazz & Luke Hawx def. Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes
SDR is called Nic Grimes, Vic’s sister. Styles P, the rapper on commentary, was a big fan of Ivan Putski growing up. I don’t hate that. Somehow these guys managed to make a three-minute match boring. At the end, Grimes is baited into an impossible exploding apparatus and Cannon falls to a Doomsday Dropkick at 3:44. ¾*

Aguilera & Kaos challenge the Cartel to a good old fashioned piranha deathmatch. If I thought for a second this was tongue in cheek I’d think it was brilliant, but Aguilera doesn’t seem capable of detached irony. That’s the main event of the series finale. 

6-Pac def. Scorpio Sky
6-Pac tried to steal Sydal’s girl, but for some reason Sky is the one who is mad at him? There are like five guys that 6-Pac has wronged and none of them are Sky. 6-Pac basically squashes Sky and hits a low blow and the X-Factor for the win at 1:55. *

Lacey confronts Valentine & Sydal about the rumors surrounding her and 6-Pac. Valentine strongly denies anything is going on and storms out. Sydal says it’s not impressive that 6-Pac beat Sky because he also beat Sky. Then Sydal starts talking about the letter but the camera cuts away. Okay, just as they finally have Sydal on camera speaking calmly like a human they cut away?! 

Jack Evans dr. Human Tornado
Turns out they did the dance-off on WSXtra. Welp, so much for that. It ended in a draw and so did this match because TV time expired at 3:29 (shown of 10:00 supposedly). Based on the clips from the break I’d buy that the full version might hit ***. This clipped version did not. We also learn that the ring announcer has “determined” it a time-limit draw, but matches have a ten-minute time limit so he’s not determining anything. The commentators treat it like some big heel move, but it’s just nonsensical and dumb. I also forgot to mention that this dipshit started dressing like A Clockwork Orange halfway through the season for no explained reason. **

The show ends with Team Dragon Gate challenging Cross & Hart to an exploding cage match. But the final episode never aired on MTV so everyone was out of luck. It did finally get released on DVD and is very easy to find floating around the internet, so here’s what happened. 

Delikado & Lil’ Cholo def. Aaron Aguilera & Kaos {Piranha Death Match}
This match gets points for being clever as the Cartel managers put a wooden pallet over the piranha tank when their guys are in trouble. The finish is hilarious, as Aguilera accidentally clotheslines Kaos into the tank and the Cartel covers it with the pallet for three seconds, which is how you win, at 3:29. This made me giggle, but it was mostly the same garbage as everything else. **

Vampiro interrupts Sky’s backstage interview and then drags him to the ring to beat him up. A bunch of wrestlers come out to stop him (why?! Sky has no allies). Banderas runs out and he and Vampiro brawl to the back. Elsewhere, Sydal busts in on 6-Pac flirting with Valentine, attacks, and gets beat up. 6-Pac calls Valentine a bitch before leaving. This show was gross. Also, Lacey announces that the ring announcer has said there will be a new title for high flyers (I hate it but it never happened so whatever) and that Evans and Tornado would fight in a no-time limit match to determine the champion. The match probably would have gone five whole minutes. 

Horiguchi & Yoshino def. Teddy Hart & Matt Cross {Exploding Cagematch}
This was all flips and dives and nothing connecting them. So, you know, Hart in a cagematch. Cross gets baited into the cage wall and explodes. Sakoda hits Hart with a fireball, blinding him. Hart then accidentally powerbombs the referee into the exploding cage. This episode is a lot funnier than it intended to be. Yoshino hits the detonator and Team Dragon Gate escapes the ring, leaving Cross, Hart, and the referee to be completely engulfed in “explosions” to end the match somewhere around 5:09 (there was no closing bell). If the existence of this series proved anything, it’s that there is no god, and the cage wasn’t 30 feet. **

There’s no reason for anyone to watch this unless you’re an obsessive Lucha Underground fan and want to see where the seeds of some of that show came from. But skip around, this show is trash.