Urban Wrestling Federation: Bloody Bullet

June 1, 2011 – New York, New York

Whoops, this is the first episode but I’m reviewing it second. For context on how this promotion is set up check out the Street Boss review. Uncle Murda, Big Block, and Red Cafe introduce themselves. Then Homicide shouts in Slyck Wagner Brown’s face, presumably to hype him up. Block has Ruckus and Murder One in his stable. Everyone ends up brawling in an empty club in the daytime. 

Then we go back in time to Ruckus and Grim Reefer getting off the bus from Atlanta and arriving in New York.

The Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz shout at someone off-camera about how they’re representing Uncle Murda. 

The Ghetto Mafia cuts a promo while construction is going on nearby that all but drowns out everything they say. 

Lowlife Louie gets in the ring to cut a promo. He swears a bunch and overestimates how much the few fans in the crowd know who he is. One sneaks up behind him and takes him out with a chair before cutting him open with a fork. Block’s team comes out and calls out the other crews, leading eventually to a match. 

2-Dope & Qenaan Creed def. EC Negro & KC Blade and Grim Reefer & Ruckus {Triple Threat Match}
This was all goofy spots, loosely strung together, until Negro & Blade hit Reefer with a double team piledriver. They celebrated before going for the pin, so Dope snuck in and got the win at 6:49. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t engaging. The crowd wasn’t hype for any of it. **

Melle Mel, Brisco, and Cuban Link cut promos. Mel calls Red Cafe while Eddie Kingston and a bunch of other people I don’t recognize sit around staring at him. Kingston gets on the phone and says he’ll ride with Mel. Welp, none of that made any sense to me. 

Link and Brisco get in a car together and conspire. They’ve heard of this new guy Red Cafe and they want to get information on him. They also both want the UWF title (or rather, want it for their wrestlers) because it’ll mean more money. Later, Mel tells his crew that Cafe is out so they’re going to eliminate drama on their own. Kingston lays out all the turf in the Bronx that they control, but he’s worried that Murda and Homicide are trying to encroach. God bless actual wrestler Kingston for making any of this comprehensible. The rest of the crew complains about Baby Blue and Brisco encroaching as well. 

Murda’s crew is mad at the way the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz stole the match earlier tonight. Murda wants Homicide to redeem the crew and show no mercy to Kingston in the main event. Brown leaves to go get the jump on Mel’s crew. Then, Homicide cuts an unhinged promo about how he gets more bitches than Kingston. He calls himself the Notorious 1-7 Homicide. Dude can’t even get his own nickname right. 

Brown approaches Red Cafe’s buddies (whose names they never said). They tell him to go talk to the guys in Miami about his problem. Between this show and the next one I never actually figured out what Brown is mad about. 

Homicide def. Eddie Kingston {Semifinal Match}
This was a sloppy brawl. That is all. Homicide just decided to stop selling at one point for no reason. It did not get the crowd any more on his side. Kingston must not have liked that because he back suplexed Homicide onto the top of his head. Homicide returned the favor with a scary looking Cop Killer at 10:54. That was a really scary bump for Kingston. Homicide was somehow worse here than he ever was in ROH. Kingston rants that this is far from over as he stumbles around the back. *¾ 

I’m glad I watched the second episode first, because this one was a lot less fun. This was mostly just guys who can’t cut promos cutting very similar promos.